I hate myself

I've been crying for 3 days for a bastard.

I've been trying to cheer myself up.

I've been speaking with friends, to smile.

I've been trying to keep those memories away.

I've been failing with that. That's why I cry.

Why do I hate myself? Cuz my fucking idiot and kiddish side called him just 10 minutes ago... To ask that horrible monster how was he feeling... It was a very bad idea, of course, cuz he said he's just fine, and like always I started crying on the phone, he got mad, as well. And that call was a waste of time, since it made me feel worse than before, now I know he doesn't care of me at all... after a fucking year... after falling in love with him. I wish I've never met him... he made me worse, he changed a lot, and I thought he was the one, ha, my bad.

And then, I ended up saying: I'm a fucking stupid person, and hang up the phone. I went downstairs, and I looked for my mom. I told her what I did, and she tried to help me. For God's sake, why did I date that dude? Why? Sigh, I blame my best friend for making me meet him on November the 4th, 2009 at 8 pm.

Now I'm just reminding every single perfect day I spent with that monster. I wish I can erase him from my mind.

I hate myself.